Dvar Torah by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin
When the Israelites wanted to pass through the land of the Amorites, they sought permission. The Torah states: “And Israel sent messengers to Sichon, King of the Amorites, saying …” (Numbers 21:21).
The Midrash says that there are many commandments that the Torah requires us to fulfil when the opportunity arises, but the Torah does not require us to actively pursue the particular situation. However, you are obligated to pursue peace as it is written, “Seek peace and pursue it” (Psalms 34). Therefore, Israel sent messengers to Sichon to seek peace (Bamidbar Rabbah 19:16). Hillel said, “Be a disciple of Aharon: love peace and pursue peace, love people and draw them near to the Torah (Pirke Avos 1:12).
All the more so in a marriage. Dr. David Lieberman writes, ” ‘Giving in’ is not about being selfless, but about being sensible. You can be right, or you can be happy. You can’t always be both.” A man once shared with me that he stopped trying to win every discussion with his wife when he realized that if he won that meant that his wife lost , and he didn’t want to be married to a loser!